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November 07 Laws and Freedom in the name of Christianity, man should do this or not do that. in the name of Christ, man have true freedom. that's the big difference between a Pharisee and a Christ's disciple. rules and regulations are in black and white. easy to read. perfect for simple minded. bad if you are clever. true freedom is a concept, often between rights and wrongs. you are free to choose but you really are expected to choose the right side. but the rights can turn out to be wrongs. that's why we need love and forgiveness. November 02 10% perfect day in a cold damp little room, hides a bleak dark boy radiant light chases the darkness as the sun awakes morning air filled with sweet aroma of greens and roses enter the scene the boy dancing with the sun so much fun that he has and so hot he felt he laid down his shirt and sang what a glorious perfect day this is enter another boy to share the sun and dance enter some more boys and girls to the scene to the boy, the same sun is not the same the same air is now different no longer does he wish to dance he wished that these people had never come exit the scene the same boy under the same sun enter he to the same cold damp little room October 16 The right perspective admitting mistakes takes humility and courage. it is like you being slapped on one side of the cheek and you are tough enough to turn the other cheek and say "is that all you got" and slapped again. we should be so thankful that we can make mistakes in life. that's how human learns. we make mistakes, learn and recover. if only time allows, you can repeat it many times, but not for ever. we don't have eternity. men and women have life expectancy of 75 years. you might say, wow, that's a long time. yes it is but no it is not. because you can drastically cut down your life expectancy with a single life changing event (e.g. getting hit by a car) or a series of life changing events (e.g. smoking). death can be a good thing. it puts everything into their correct perspectives. it puts the important/urgent people/matters into their respectable orders. it helps us to prioritize your life. it stops us from being arrogant and from imagining we are the masters of our destinies. time is not always on your side, do you see the urgency to admit and repent. what is the thing you really hate yourself for doing it. stop it at once. what is the thing you should do next day, month or year. do it now. do it today. just do it. take the chance. there are only limited number of chances. take the risks. you have little to lose. if you do it soon enough, you might still live to ripe the fruit of your own seeds. September 30 Admit mistakes sooner in the name of investments, i am into the game of speculations. i never thought i would but there you go. there are 2 things i couldn't learn when i invested in stocks in a vanilla sense. namely, they were cut loss and dollar cost averaging. but all in all, i didn't appreciate the importance of time. without the discipline of cutting loss and the regular chipping in, my stock investment has always performed poorer than my mutual fund. on one hand, i made mistakes and didn't admit them and let them snowball. in time, i made a loss. on the other hand, i took limited risk regularly and kept doing it for years. in time, i made a gain. investment is so mimical to life. there are so many moving parts in our lives that we get confused and scared of making mistakes that we end up doing nothing and achieve nothing. how futile. rather than chickening out of this game of life altogether, we commit ourselves little by little and gain grounds bit by bit, then one day when you look back, you can honestly say to yourself, i have lived. i used to know this person who didn't like any criticisms, didn't like weight scale, didn't like taking photos and had become so fat that people started mistaking her for pregnancy. i have this doctor friend who worked in a hospital. one day, he saw this patient and told her she was overweight. the female patient couldn't take it in and screamed, "are you calling me fat?!!". the doctor replied in a stern voice, " you are not fat. you are obese." it is ok to make mistakes. but once they were made, it is not ok to hide your head in the sand and pretend everything will be ok and stop moving. you need to learn from mistakes and keep moving. we all need to keep moving. admit, analyze and advance, these are the 3As if you want to take your life seriously and enjoy it. September 16 Mutants as X-menif you walk in to one of many men's workshop, you would listen to a lot of their shortfalls. men don't communicate. men are shovanistic, arrogant and have massive eagles. they eat too much junk. they drink too much. they don't look after themselves, let alone look after others. they are just not what they meant to be. they are just not men enough. sadly, i am inclined to agree. men are like mutants. they are born of human but somehow got twisted and turned into some hideous monsters. they can become introverted, emotional, immature and violent. they live alone in their little virtual worlds and play with their expensive toys. they are not very good in speaking words, expressing feelings and picking up responsibilities. commitments are out of the questions. such as X-men. X-men were called mutants before they were called heroes. they are unique and each possesses different super power. they have personalities, strengths, weaknesses, love, hate, fears and frailties. gifted as they may be, they are rejected by the norm and prosecuted as threats to the society. on their own, they are of nothing. on their own, they are doomed. we are all norms until the people around us found our jagged edges. have you felt that the whole world was going against you. have you ever felt that no one could understand you and you are all alone in the world. self-pity is emotional. self-pity a typical storyline to turn an X-men into a villain. there are two camps in the X-men movies. the evil camp summons mutants who are filled with hatred and self-pity and want to use their power to take over the world. however, there is the good camp of which welcomes mutants who experience troubles with their power and emotions and to nurture them into real super heroes. men need visions, leaders and strong voices. they need to learn to control their feelings and power and channel them for better, greater use. they need to learn to live with one another and appreciate their talents as blessings. men need to know thy self, appreciate what is right and do the right things. August 31 Speak upthe first thing i notice from individuals with plenty of charisma is that they all speak eloquently and with great conviction. they are all good story tellers and make great impressions. they might not know 100% of what they talk about. but they sound 100% convincing. a lot of truth jazz up with a bit of sizzling humour and a little bit of dazzling jargon. it's called marketing if you insist. it's called bullshit if you come from my kind of background. i have this magician beginner DVD. one of the tricks it taught was to deceive audience with verbal words to draw attentions away from the stack of cards. the trainer guaranteed that this trick would only work if you believe it would work. as sure as anything, as i watched the audience followed every step of the magician's plan with great curiosity and smile on their faces. the same trick always finished with rounds of applause and exclaimed "wow, how did he do that". it is about, 1. how much you believe in what you talk about; 2. how you deliver the messages to people. learn from people by listening to them. pick up good words, phrases, gags that sound clever and sticky to your mind. with the not so good words, phrases and gags, just laugh and avoid them in the future. pick up the good habits of using adjectives and season them on your stories with imaginations and exaggerations. here is an example. boring version: "peter and john panic when they heard a gun shot". colourful version: "peter and john ran in circle like a couple of headless chickens when they heard this deafening loud gun shot". which sentence sticks to your mind more? which one paint a picture in your imagination? you might say, i can't be bothered. it's just too much work for my brain. let me assure you it is easier than you think. it is fun, effective and makes you look and sound intelligent. August 25 Love lifei found that people generally don't really know what they want in life. they don't know where to have lunch or dinner. students don't know what subjects to take. school leavers don't really know which career path to take. single men and women don't know whom to date. couples don't know whether to have kids, etc. let's imagine we are interviewing a string of celebrities and imagine how they may respond to our questions. hindsights are always 20/20. especially when looking at other people's life. but they all share one thing in common. they all do what they love to do. fortunes and fame sometimes just tag along when you do something so well and so passionately. when you find the things that you so deeply love, you simply just could not stop thinking, dreaming and talking about it. it has become your dream, your vision. you want to pursue it and make it a reality. you would be so transformed that people around you would tell the difference between you and the old you and recognize the difference between you and the other people. this love of your life would give you enough energy, passion and focus for you to base your decisions, large or small. your life would become more certain. it means you will start taking risks. you would forget little minor things. at the same time, you would forgive small people and their small mistakes. you'd have hopes and inspirations. people would see you and say wow, i don't mind to have you as a friend. they will look up, listen to you and seek advice from you. isn't it what charisma is all about!! once you have tasted this new and exciting life, you would never want to go back to your previous so-called "life" again. so what is it that you love? if you don't know, then try meeting new friends, listen to the news, visit the nature, look at people on the streets, in hospitals, in schools, in church. August 17 Charismafrom an economic angle, i can understand why people would want to buy pirate copies of music and movies. it doesn't make any economical sense to pay 5 times the price for the same products and for the same level of satisfaction. on the other hand, would you like to see a total stranger who dances like MJ, sings like MJ and even looks like MJ at 1/5 of the original ticket price. the answer is probably NO. the reason is because we don't want to see fake personalities. we want to see real stars with real personalities. in a nut shell, we want to see star's genuine charisma. so, who has charisma? the presidents, the movie stars, the supermodels, the super rich, the heroes, idealists, artists. they all do. they are the people who are generally admired by the public. we admire them for their qualities that we don't yet have or can never have. their intelligence, creativity, health, wealth, dedication, bravery, justice, charms, sense of humour, beauty, maturity, responsibility, confidence, etc. all you men out there, you lack charisma. some don't admit it. at worst, they pass the blames to others and that is really sad. you are killing your life and your man's image. women could not look up to you. kids would not respect you. you would not really enjoy life even if you are super successful with your career and have a beautiful girlfriend or wife. because deep down, you know you can do more and deserve more and you are not celebrating this wonderful gift God has given you and made you a man. people wants to see you as a man with real charisma. be a man, take the punch and do something about it. i can guarantee that you will love it. i will show you how. August 03 Get out of the rat cage treadmillsome of you readers might think that i am a sexist. the fact, is i am not. let me tell you why.
when i was in my teens, i was often confused about life in general, especially on the topics of being a mature man. on one hand, my mum told me all the bad things, little things about my dad, how he wasn't good enough in the light of his other friends. months after months. years after years. i developed a lope sided impression that he was a bad person for many years. at some point in time, i became a christian and listened to their teachings in church. they taught how Christ loves and died for His church, and how men should follow suit.
naive as i was, i took all that all on board literally when i dated my girlfriend. the long suffering began when the ideal and reality didn't meet and she blamed me and i blamed myself. i felt guilty. if i loved her enough, i would do xyz. if i really, really loved her, i would give xyz to the exponential power of the height of the sky multiplied by the depth of the ocean and it still wouldn't make her happy long enough for 24 hours.
like buddha, when he was in his darkest hour and had neither food nor water long enough, he realized the truth about life next to a bodhi tree. i realized mine when i was on a bus after work.
what she says she wants isn't really what she needs.
i realized that i was a rat running a rat race in a rat cage inside a spinning treadmill. i spent all my time and energy and achieved futility. nothing that i did was right in her eyes. i was chasing after wind. i always finished at where i started. guys, you need to get out of the treadmill. it is not doing you nor the woman any good.
women need directions. and so do men. when men skip responsibilities and don't give directions, women take over. it's only logical. but when that happen, men loss their status. you see, men don't like to argue. they don't like to beg nor negotiate. they don't like troubles. they prefer compromise than fight with women. they can fight guys but never women. because if they win, they would feel like a wussy. if they loss, they make themselves feel better by thinking i am a gentleman. so what do they do, they become quiet and submissive. do women like submissive men who say "yes" and "ma'am"? don't think so, unless you like gigolo. do women fancy smart funny guys over quiet low self esteem guys? now you see what i am gettng at.
what i want to see is men being restored to who they once were. July 31 GoodwillsThat would be the second most rare commodities nowadays. It also exists under different names, like trusts, benefit of doubts, etc. it is about believing some person with good motives. however things might look on the surface whether good or bad. deep down, you firmly believe there is something good in it. so simple and yet we are so far away from it.
it is a cultural thing. it is in our instinct that we trusted many people, things when we were kids. but we bent away from it as we experience the ugly side of life. thanks to the ill-trusted scumbags, they took away the shine of our good will and left us high and dry. it is like an antibody in our bodies. you only need to contract once, you would become immune from trusting other people again. we become cynical and sarcastic.
people in business spend a lot of energy, money and time to build fortresses around themselves in case of the their partners turn around and bite. it is happening between nations, colleagues, brothers vs sisters, husband vs wife, boyfriend vs girlfriend, rich parents vs rich kids. it kills relationships and breaks bonding. it is really sad.
like growing a plant, goodwill can be replanted. it is so organic that it takes simple elements like seeds, water, soil and sun. let your heart be the soil, this this blog message be the seeds, God be the sun and patience be the water. oh yes, you need to water it everyday. starting taking risks and trust more people daily bit by bit, step by step. good will will grow on you and you will enjoy it. and you will love the people around you and they will love you back.
you might have been hurt before. like what the cliche says, that was then. this is now. you have a brand new beginning every morning. start afresh tomorrow morning. say yes to life. say yes to goodwill. have you forgotten how good it is to trust?
next piece will be on men's charisma. July 27 Respectsit is a word that gangsters around the world that get used a lot, black, white, italian, chinese, japanese, etc. it is almost like commodities in a sense that you can trade with it. i respect you. you respect me. it is almost like credit cards, it gives you that extra credibility that cash just cannot get you. it has the elements of trust for people to believe who you claimed to be. it is like a ball game or card game, it takes 2 parties or more. it is a simple word but it encapsulates powerful contexts. should respects be earned or given? the answer is obvious. it should be both. when a person tried very hard to earn respects from you, you have the ultimate power to grant or not. here is the tricky part. we are very bad at earning and giving respects. we all have been taken other people for granted. we all have been disgraceful to people who has been nice to us. didn't we all, in the past, try to please someone but never really got appreciation. sometimes, it doesn't matter how sincere your apologies are, the other person just gave you a big fat NO. the worst of all, is that people don't respect themselves and slandered themselves. haven't you seen fine young looking girls on the MTR bitching about other people with their mobile phones. i just couldn't bear to listen. haven't you seen fine young looking guys speaking the utmost disgusting below the gutter jokes. i enjoy humours in many different contexts but some of them really made me vomit. then i see people throwing cigarette butts, rubbish to the road, abusing plastic bags, electricity, etc. you may say, shouldn't we be talking about respects between men and women relationship, why all these virtues in manners, energy, environmental issues. here is the key phase. to treasure others is to treasure what you have and who you are. respects is about loving the others, don't you agree. we respects our parents because we love them. we respects the earth because we depend and live on it. we love ourselves and therefore we wouldn't cause our bodies any grievous harms. we wouldn't talk like a fool and made ourselves look cheap. if you know how to love yourself, you then should have no problem loving others. learn this by heart and you will be grateful for the rest of your life. next piece will be on focused on men's development. how men can develop and grow respects from others. July 14 because i am worth itdo you feel good about yourself? do you like the way you look? are you talented in anything?
some say, infancy is the best part of our lives. why? because we could sleep, eat and crap all day and everyday and still don't get into troubles. all are forgiven. all mess are taken care of. what's more, we get loved and adored by adults and they'd do absolutely (almost) anything to make us happy. all we had to do was to look cute and smile/cry/wet when we feel like it. who cares if the guy who is holding me is the president of united state or premier of china, when you have to wet your nappies, you wet your nappies. no offence. ignorance is such a bliss.
great looks and sweet charms still reign high in this love game arena. the more beautiful, charming you are, the more bidders are willing to pay the price to get to you. this is an old game of supply and demand. because the bidder think you are the best thing in the world, the love of his/her lifetime and there is only one of you in this entire world, they would pay a dearer price for you.
unlike a commodity in which has no feelings, memories or intelligence, you, being the object of the highest bid, have all the above characteristics might develop a sense of self-worth - "because i am worth it". this phrase is now part of a world renouned haircare/skincare products promo slogan.
because you think you are worth it, you can now demand more and more from the ones who love and adore you. the more you ask, the more your partner would submit to you. because they fear that they might lose you one day. you basically work your way backward to your infancy part of life, where you can literally control your surroundings by yelling and screaming.
after months and years of god forsaken days and night, one day the heaven breaks and light shines from aboue and your partner opens his/her eyes and realize that you are not as perfect as you were thought to be, the dark question popped. "is it worth it?"
by then, you'd realize that time is on the wrong side, and you are not a kid anymore. you suffer wear and tear like many things in life. your appeal suffers a drop. you feel bad and it eats away some of your confidence and incurs another setback in your self-esteem. hopefully you have learnt to lower your self-worth and then someone comes along and finds you refreshingly attractive again........ just like greeds and fears.
it's important to feel good about ourselves. our gifts and talents are supposedly to help ourselves and help others. it should never be abused to become a self-serving tool for our own good. this goes to both men and women alike.
men blame women for their spoiled nature. women blame men for spoiling them. come on, we are too old (or good) for this blame game. we need to repent and change (i know it sounds like a religion). how?
come back next time. July 02 deep down, we all want something ...it is an instinct thing. should be a no brainer.
why would anyone want to spend thousands and thousands of dollar on a car from their hard earned cash. if you have limited cash and a humble job and you want to go on an exotic vacation. wouldn't you save save save and earn earn earn over the next many months to realize your dream holiday. why do we invest our life savings into our MPFs, stock markets, real estates, educations or risk to start our own businesses. don't we all want better futures, live better, eat better and feel more secured..
people have dreams, visions and ideals. people have a tendency to work and ripe rewards. people prefers to splash and get their money worth. we give up something in order to get somthing back. then the questions come like "at what price" then "does it worth it". deep down, we all want something from someone.
do we have a common ground now. then read on.
why would men want female companions. is it because men are so full of love, time and energy that they have spares sitting idle in their warehouses. do they have tags with expiry date on. i guess not. if they want women just for a piece of the actions, there is always the oldest trade in which can lend more than a helping hand. not that i am encouraging people to take that route.
there is a famous quote in Genesis. "it is not good for the man to be alone". however men would like to say "yes we can". there are always plenty of other moments to admit "no we cannot". there are voids in them. boys are trapped inside men's bodies. like all human, they get hungry, sleepy, weary, scared and sick.
like women, they need respects, loves, trusts and all those big and beautiful vocabularies. this is what makes men and women human, 100% flesh and bloods.
men need women. women need men. a perfect union.
in reality, this union got twisted by greeds and fears. it sounds like a market place? it shouldn't be, but it is.
will write more soon. watch this space. June 12 boys to menit's a 100% hit rate. every guy whom i came across in the past year have all admitted that they have suffered from women's bad behaviour one way or another. the world has turned civilized and favours women in every civilized situation.
men are expected to behave like "men". this expectation is constant. like benchmarks, they measure how competent the candidates are. they are like ability, accountability, determination, dignity, integrity, security, obligation, etc. they were inherited from centuries to centuries. that's what set men and boys apart. it is about maturity and dependency. these are the milestones to give away who the prime mates are in this game of social evolution.
if men forget them, women would remind them. that's fair. no man is perfect and we can always do with some friendly gentle reminders in the rise of the occasions. it then raises a set of logical consequences. they appear harmless at first and worthy of little attentions. men don't mind to lose little things here and there in life (this is one of their greatness). but like smokes, when they get too much, they get into your eyes.
i can think of a number of men's roles. a king to provide richness and glories. a prince to spell charms and words of love. a hunter kills to feed hungry mouths. a lover to give and make love. a father figure to give role model. a soldier to fight and protect. a hero to rescue the weaks from difficulties. a magician to fix everything that doesn't work in life.
this list could go on, if i want to. tall orders as they may. but men take pride in, and may go great length to achieve any of the above in life. men like to say "I CAN" and prove they really can. it is in their bloods, genes to strive and conquer. it's what make them great and interesting. it's their motivation and aspiration and set them apart from losers.
however, not every man is a hero, a good lover and a great father figure. in reality, some are drunks, compulsive gamblers, thugs, womanizers and wife beaters. some really can give bad names.
let's flip to the other side. what do men expect of women.
will write more next time. May 23 南京！南京！ (City of Life and Death)long time no write about movies. there wasn't much worth writing for. none of the big budget block busters really struck my chord. but i found this one exceptional. very disturbing and instigating. i was relieved for the director not showing the really blood and guts violent scenes. let's hope there will not be a director's cut. one afterthought, why should japan admit their errors that were committed 60 years ago when chinese leaders made theirs in jun 20 years ago. this is a fundamental human flaw and notorious among asian countries. May 07 Brothers in armsin tonight's prayer meeting, we learnt a vivid testimony of a cancer diagnosed brother thanking and hugging 3 of his caring bretherns. some may see it in comtempt and churn stomachs. others may see it encouraging and refreshing. men are not rocks. men are not islands. there is no need to.
patrick is out of job and has been treated for the last 4 months. one of his fellow brothers accompanies him to hospital daily. one keeps him busy with regular dinners. there was one with a great big belly sticking out who splashed $500 on sport gears to excercise with patrick. he didn't look like a well off type. he didn't look like a work out type either. then there were others who were part of the gangs but didn't show up for the limelight.
men, as much as they'd like to imagine that they are cool and can handle everything, in reality however this is more of a wish rather than the truth. men are built to take care of themselves and their belongings. they were meant to be the pillar of their families and inherit heritages from ancestors and extend. all before calamities fall. when they fall, they knocked them out like head-over-heal.
like watching a war time movie, when soldiers fall, they scream for medics, mama, wives or girlfriends. when they are not reachable. all they have got are their brothers in arms. although they didn't quite meet their demands, but they were good enough to get through the days. April 30 Who dares winsstand up brothers, stand up
stand up my brother, stand up my brother
stand up brothers, stand up
back off the wall and feet on the ground now dance
this is your one chance, your one dance
make it loud, proud, wow and now
just go make-it-make-it-make-it
hey listen, there's a message in the air
(get up get down
get up get up and get down) x2 one take one time
one soul one mind
do the right thing at the right time
for once in a life time
stand tall see far
you're the man in the history making your history
would you be a king for life or schmuck for life who-dares-wins man who-dares-wins
who-dares-wins baby who-dares-wins
who-dares-wins come on now
are you ready for the message in the air April 19 A nice funeralit just so happened that i had had an job interview with a blonde aussie/kiwi recruitment agent yesterday morning. in the end, out of her courtesy, she asked me how i was going to spend my warm sunny friday afternoon. i said i was going to attend a friend's furneral. she said, "i hope you'll have a nice funeral". i didn't know what a nice funeral was. what we had was one big hall filled with 300 plus people, believed and unbelieved, gathered together under one roof for one person, lillian lee. her photo quietly stood in front of us reminding us how big and beautiful her eyes once were and while cheek bones still had cheeks. petals spilled. candles lit. wreaths, made of lilly casablanca were just everywhere, as she requested. she adored this flower so much and named herself after it. that's a woman's liberty. rev cheng led the coffin to the scene and the memorial service began. the church choir sang her favourite tune, conducted by rev lun, accompanied by pianist cynthia. rev cheng delivered an evangelical message to the unbelievers as ever. we had a sister to chair the ceremony, a sister to pray, a sister to read verses and a brother to speak the eulogy. they were all first-timers and did an excellent job. very proud of them. it's been a great honour to serve her (and Him) with so many of us to witness her amazing courage, undying faith and fun loving nature. we have to admit that she was probably one of the easiest patients to work with. she laughed when we laughed. she cried when we cried. she was just nice as always. we just had to sort ourselves out. all of our travelings, home cookings, flowers, massages, prayers, songs were our shinny display of God's love in our hearts. we should be so proud of ourself that we should pass the same genuine tokens to others too. it's time to turn to another page. April 01 Til we meet againmake no mistake about that.
it's never a goodbye. it's a see-you-later.
a sudden squeeze on the weak spot opened wide a floodgate of tearful joy, tinkling twinkling down like pearl drops as we witnessed your wonderful transition
from a weary bound of skins and bones and entered you into eternity.
the fish finally met the sea.
how you can now sing and dance all day long with the Lord of dance, the moon, the stars and the sun.
no more lonely nights. no more tears for fears.
to you, Faith and Hope are history but Love still reign.
I wish you unfathomable perfect Love. March 21 life vs liveslife can be hard. it can really get you down.
it takes more than 9-to-5 for a living of hand-to-mouth.
it's a rat race, karma and kamakazi. it's life.
like a candle, it burns.
watch it melt and dribble.
in tears and perspiration.
it flickers feeble sparkles in the night.
destined for a snub and transforms your nights.
sit on a cake, becomes a birthday wishful charm.
sit on a dining table, instills tender loving moments.
it calms, celebrates, commemorates and congratulates.
as if by magic, it helps people to look beyond,
the tiny sparks,
the combustion heat,
the faintly scent,
to focus us on a better and greater sides of life -- our lives. |
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